Monday, September 06, 2010
life love and messed up memories
Not knowing what to do, my life has change a lot lately, I got a man who loves me. got a good job. well kinda, and a family who is supportive. well most the time.
I could not ask for anything else right? well maybe,
Right now im trying to sell one of my cars to get some extra cash and something better for the winter time here. see the winter time here is harsh and it sucks, and i personally dont like to be cold.
to be honest i dont like it here, in eastern washington. it honestly the most hated place on earth for me. alot of bad memories that keep giving me nightmares as well as people i cant stand.
I thought when i move to seattle i totally for got everything here. but you cant run away from your thoughts nor your promises.
i do truely miss my best friend. but we hardly talk anymore. because of his 21 year old girl friend.
I just dont think anymore. I guess sometimes its for the better. I dont know. Granted im dont emotionally with everything.
and to be honestly i dont know if i can close up agian with this relationship.
see, im dating a guy who has a 16 year old. I love him but honestly i dont know if i can be everything he wants me to be. it hurts i cant do everything he wants me to do or be. so i just sit like a good little girl and say quite.
Sometimes i dont know what to say or do. sometimes i feel as if we are moving to fast. and others i dont think we are.
I love the time we spend together but like today is not a good day for me, all i wanna do is sit and cry because of life and my mind is not all there i feel i cant give him what i want or what he deserves. Or what she deserves.
maybe because im young, maybe because all my past relationships that really fucked me over, fucked my mind up, that fucked my ablitaly to love. i dont know. all i know is i just want to make him happy,
oh well im rambling.
Posted at 07:24 pm by Isola
last night, well this morning me and my best friend had a long talk, he stated he loves me but is scared to death to lose me. honestly, how can i say anything to that?
what am i going to do with that. im head over heals in love with this fool and he is not welling to take a chance because he has been hurt? honestly? i cant do this anymore. i think its time for me to stop talk to him as much to go do what i wanna do. to try and be happy again,
so i think im goin to go back into singing, and call my manager again and see what kind of other stuff is out there. i know there is some modeling and some people have been asking for me again, so, i want to be happy,
but i dont know what happy is anymore.